My wife of three years removes her wedding ring whenever it suits her, so she could pretend to be a single lady; meanwhile, we have a one-year-old son.
She is 28 years old and is obviously imitating a friend of hers, who doesn’t have a job but is relatively comfortable (raised eye brows), and she’s never in a steady relationship. Unfortunately, my wife most times looks up to her.
When I complain about some of the revealing outfits my wife wears, she often says her friend has worn something similar and everyone liked it when she posted it on social media. She is always comparing herself to the likes of this friend of hers and single girls that are somewhat wayward.
You see, after child birth, I noticed that my wife’s dressing changed for the worse; I could sense that she wanted to prove she was still hot. She gets a kick out of her friends, calling her ‘sexy mama’ and all sorts while I keep telling her she is married and should tone it down, especially to her place of work.
She travelled recently with our son and it happened to be with this her bad-influence friend. My worst fear was realised when I saw pictures of a night out they had posted on the social media; my wife was dressed like a whore and was not wearing her ring.
When I called her out on this, she said she removed it because she did not want to lose it; and for the dress, she said they had gone to a club, where it was dark and nobody would have noticed. Can you imagine her utterances, coming from a married woman and a mum, no ring on her finger, in a foreign land, for over a week?
I have called her names and decided to block my debit card that’s with her, at least the bank alerts will stop. She is saying I’m over reacting and that I don’t want her to enjoy her youth, at 28. That I’m really angry with her is an understatement. Those images are stuck in my head for life. Am I over reacting?
There are many men who would do worse than you have done. For some, the man may even say the woman should not return to their matrimonial home, not even for her dress sense, but for the fact that she removed her ring- a symbol that shows she is available to any other man.
However, you need to calm down and get over your anger; otherwise, you could take actions, which you will later regret. First of all, please make sure she has enough funds to come back home.
The current situation means you have to set some ground rules; yes she is 28 and should know better than what she is doing, but since she does not, or apparently prefers not to, then you have to keep reminding her that she is married with a child, who looks up to her. And if she insists on towing same line, threaten her. With what, you ask? You should know what she holds most dear. However, don’t go the divorce route.
The truth is she thinks the single girls have all the fun, and wants to have fun too. What she does not realise is, these single girls, especially that her friend, wish they were in her shoes, married with kids and a loving husband.
Again, you need to pay attention to her, make her feel good about herself; if she does she would not feel the need to dress to get attention from her colleagues and friends. It could also be a case of insecurity, and it is your job to help her get to that stage, where she is confident of who she is, that she does not require validation from the opinion of others.
On removing her ring, there was a study recently, where respondents admitted removing their wedding rings before going out with friends or after a row with their partner. So, if you can, take solace in the fact that many other husbands and wives have had to deal with a similar situation.
The study of 2,000 married couples showed that one in eight couples would be judged as ‘boring’ if people knew they were married, while more than a third blamed it on work, and said they had a better chance of winning business if they didn’t wear a band.
You should come to an agreement under the circumstance, if any, that either of your wedding bands must come off. Last word, be patient with her, she is at that stage where she wants to belong.